Today I find myself damp with emotion.
A pilly, old rag moist, already rung out twice.
I can’t stop these goddamn tears from falling,
From heaving out a sob meant for you.
–Elizabeth Lacey
Hit or Miss
“What are you thinking about right now?” he asked, stroking my hair with his hand. He looked into my eyes intensely as he waited for a response.
I looked past him and around the room. The dirtied white walls, clothes covering the floor. How did I get here? I looked around some more to prevent my eyes meeting his again. I stared at the ceiling.
“I have the same smoke detector in my room,” I replied.
He laughed at my remark and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“You’re so funny. Do you know that, Katie?” he asked, still with his fingers caught in my hair.
“Yes I do.”
He laughed again and lunged back on top of me. I allowed him to make this move while peering at the digital clock to the right of me. 11:43 PM. I would give him fifteen more minutes.
“Oh Katie, I really like spending time with you.”
“Mm hmm.”
“I should get you back now, shouldn’t I?”
“Yeah I wouldn’t want to turn into a pumpkin.”
…
I laid on the unmade full size bed, looking up again yet at a different ceiling. My dress was above my knees. I was wondering how much longer this would take when I heard the door squeak open.
“Who are you?” a thin brunette with a long nose asked me.
“I’m his friend.”
“I’m his girlfriend. Get out.”
“Sure.”
I pulled my dress down and went to put on my shoes. I slipped each black bootie on one at a time. I grabbed my bag and jacket from the hook and walked out the door down the stairs.
“What are you doing here?” a male voice screamed as I made my way out the door.
“Are you kidding me? Again?” the brunette screamed back.
I was outside when I heard things being thrown around. I picked up my pace and ran back home in the rain, my heels clicking on the pavement.
…
“I’ll have the butter chicken,” I asked the waitress, taking a sip of my water.
“And how spicy would you like that? From one to five?”
“I’ll have five, please.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes.”
“And you?”
“I’ll have the lamb vindaloo five, please,” he requested.
“And are you sure about the five?”
“Why not?”
“Okay, I’ll have that out in a bit,” the waitress replied as she left the table.
Our food was soon out and on the table.
“Five really is spicy,” he remarked, taking generous gulps of his water. He coughed a bit and inhaled some of the plain rice.
“Mm hmm.”
“How can you even eat that, Katie?”
“I don’t know.”
It actually wasn’t all that spicy.
…
“Do you mind if I hold you hand?” he asked as we left the bistro.
I shook my head and soon his hand was grabbing mine. We walked into the park as it was drizzling. Soon, we were sitting down on a damp park bench, hands still intertwined.
“I had a really good time today, Katie,” he said as he looked into my eyes.
I smiled in response.
“Did you?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” he said with a smile. He was still looking into my eyes. He moved over a bit and his lips were on mine.
The rain started to lighten up. I had to pee. I should’ve gone before we left the restaurant.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked, holding my face.
“Mm hmm.”
“I wore a different shirt in the car because I knew I’d sweat,” he confessed.
“Wow.”
He continued to kiss me.
“Oh Katie I really like you.”
…
“You aren’t going to eat your pickle?” he asked, pointing at what was left on my plate.
“No. I don’t like pickles.”
“Can I have it?”
“Mm hmm.”
He grabbed the pickle from right in front of me, throwing it into his mouth.
“So are we going back to your place?” he asked as he got up from his chair.
I got up as well and walked in the direction of my apartment. I unlocked the door and he followed me into my room.
“This is nice, Katie,” he said as he put his hand to my face.
He went back in to kiss me. I opened my eyes and looked past his face at my watch. 1:45 PM. I would say I have to meet a friend in thirty minutes.
His beard tickled my chin and I tried not to pull away. All I could taste were pickles.
…
He took a sip of his iced coffee and leaned in closer.
“I can’t believe I’m living in the apartment underneath you next year!” he remarked.
“Mm hmm.”
“What are the chances?”
“I don’t know.”
“So want to go back to your place and make out for a bit?”
“How long do you think that would take?” I asked as I looked at my watch. I had twenty minutes.
He slurped what was rest in the cup, shaking to make the ice melt more.
“Well I don’t have a condom so it wouldn’t be long.”
“Maybe next time.”
“Are you sure, Katie?”
“Oh I’m very sure.”
“Well I’ll see you around,” he retorted as he gave me a peace sign and headed down to where he lived. I just kept on walking straight ahead to where I had to be.
…
I waited on line in the Starbucks listening to whatever podcast was on my phone. I wasn’t wearing my glasses so I couldn’t see what was on the menu.
“Good morning,” I said once I got to the register.
“Good morning. What can I get for you?”
“A grande café latte please.”
“What’s the name?”
“Kate.”
“Any bakery items with that?”
“No thank you.”
“That will be $5.35.”
I scanned my card and moved along. The hosts were still talking in my ears about this week’s topic. I looked outside for a while.
“Grande latte for Katie!”
I grabbed the drink on the counter and nodded to the barista.
It’s Kate.
What Are You Looking For?
A poem created from the messages I’ve received on Tinder.
Hey! I know it’s late
But do you want to come over
I’m at 214
Congratulations, you have matched!
Please select one of the following options:
For casual conversation, press 1
For a corny pick-up line, Press 2
For a more risqué pick-up line, Press 3
To schedule a date, Press 4
To see more options, Press 5 (work in progress)
Does that impress you?
It’s dangerous
You look cute in workout clothes
Too many guys trying to get into your pants?
Happens to me on a daily basis (*sarcasm*).
I don’t want to tease you with anything
too provocative and scare you away.
I’ll be direct here
So I’m tryna just hook up.
You down with that?
I apologize for the rudeness lol
When would you like to have me over?
–Elizabeth Lacey
Pull Yourself
Pull yourself together.
Pull yourself over to the the curb beside
the Korean restaurant once frequented.
Pull yourself into a storm of tears and
twenty four dollar eye liner.
Pull yourself to the bar down the hill
you haven’t needed to go to.
Pull yourself into a pool of frozen
margarita for chill.
Pull yourself to the seven eleven to
buy SmartWater to replenish.
Pull yourself away from the screens
and off your phone.
Pull yourself away from him.
Pull yourself together.
–Elizabeth Lacey
10 Steps on How to Stay Calm During Finals
The original: 130: 10 Steps on How to Stay Calm
- Take the classic big deep breath in
- And out
- Write down a list of everything that you need to accomplish (I use Todoist)
- Start adding those things you need to do to your calendar as little events (Google Calendar is a classic)
- Try the Pomodoro method, 25 minutes of focused work with a 5 minute break (the free version of the app Focus Keeper is my fave)
- Take breaks that are constructive for you, such as some sort of physical activity or catching up on a favorite TV show
- Switch up where you study; find new places to do work so that you don’t lose focus
- Don’t forget your basic needs (i.e., showering, eating, sleeping)
- And take one more damn breath in
- And out
Electrophoresis
Blue bands in agarose, the current bubbling.
One hundred volts on negative strands.
Large to small, they move.
We have to wait.
I remember
what I’m
waiting
for.
–Elizabeth Lacey
Hospitality
Welcome to my home: the one of “hospitality.”
Come in through the door, unlocked as you can see.
Walk down on the carpet, look off to the left.
See that you’re not welcome here; I have tried my best.
–Elizabeth Lacey
132: Fish Wish
The last time I got my wish was the day my fish died. Poor Killian Jones.
My fish died of what I assume was a heart attack from being unable to escape the net when cleaning his tank. My dad and sister had been visiting and told me I needed to clean his tank. It was pretty dank, but I can’t help blaming them for his death. At first, I thought he was still alive. His thin fin was still twitching. I waited probably ten minutes to see if he would turn back over, walking in and out of the bathroom every thirty seconds. Although now given my knowledge of myosin motors, that was probably just rigor mortis.
You’re probably wondering what my wish was.
I think I’m not going to tell you. Yet.
129: Me
I talk too much about myself.
131: I Should Have
Sequel to “I Could Have”
When I first told my family I was capable of such evil, they didn’t believe me. I was a good girl. I was the favorite child. I was not a bad person.
“You didn’t do anything bad. You didn’t know about him.”
I should have known. I should have remembered my place.
My mom attempted to console me on the phone as I laid in my twin XL bed hidden under the covers. I hadn’t gotten out of bed yet for the day. I didn’t feel like it. The tears from my eyes made contact with the glass of my iPhone and made a greater area of my cheek wet. I hadn’t stopped crying today. I didn’t feel like it.
My roommate came back from the dining hall and just looked at me under the large duvet. She went back to her work and I knew that was the cue to hang up the phone. I pressed the red circle on its white icon and went back to bed.
I saw her. I saw the girlfriend on the plaza the next day. She looked through me. I looked down. The tears came back.
I should have known. I should have remembered my place.
Elizabeth Lacey Writing 