I am Better

I talked about how this time last year I was hospitalized for severe depression (in Who I am Not). My favorite uncle had recently passed from colon cancer in April. School was hard for me, between counting thousands of flies and writing out organic chemistry reactions. It was easy for my anxiety to take over and send me into a depression.

It was after my sorority’s formal that I intentionally stepped in front of a moving car. I told my therapist and she suggested that I go to the hospital. I told my mom and soon her and my father were up at school, ready to take me home.

After the hospital, I spent the summer in an intensive outpatient program. With five hours a day, five days a week, there was barely any time for me to enjoy myself. Not like I could remember what I enjoyed doing.

Even last semester, I entered into a two week depression. Taking forever to leave my bed, forgetting how many days it had been since I had showered, failing to reach out to even my closest of friends. It was all so hard for me to even think about.

Despite all that I have gone through in the past year, I am now in good place. I’ve regained my characteristic motivation. I am motivated to do well in my classes, reach out to friends and family, and do the things I know remember that I love.

This time last year, sitting in the psychiatric ward at the cafeteria tables looking out at the rain, I would’ve said I’ve been better. But now, looking at those same water droplets hit the Ithaca soil, I can say I am better.

via Daily Prompt: Better

Stylish/Boujee Life

Boujee. You hear that term first coined in the Top 40 song, “Bad and Boujee” by Migos. We all know what bad means, but what does the latter mean?

Boujee is an abbreviation for bourgeoisie, a “elite demographic defined for a need for luxury and material items” (Refinery 29). Basically, boujee– or bougie– means being materialistic af. And guess who is bougie? Yours truly.

I have an Erin Condren planner and buy custom-made stickers on Etsy. I buy acai from Wegmans to make acai bowls.  I use wireless Beats earbuds as I listen to podcasts and Spotify premium. I purchased purple Tevas from Urban Outfitters so that my shoes could match my purple Kanken backpack.

Now tell me I’m not bougie.

But is there anything wrong with being bougie? I wouldn’t say so. There is so much more to me than using speech to text on my gold Apple Watch.

Bougie is simply one lifestyle, not an entire life.

via Daily Prompt: Lifestyle

Shook/Triggered

I am shook. 

This phrase is commonly used by my fellow millenials in reference to being panicked. You will commonly hear these three words when either of the following occurs: you see that guy who ghosted you via Snapchat in the stacks, someone makes a comment in favor of the conservative stance on reproductive rights, or CTB has run out of their classic sun dried tomato bagel.

You will also hear that they were triggered. But what do they mean by that word?

In a sense, they mean to express that they are offended or that their feelings are hurt (thanks, Urban Dictionary). However, the psychological intent of the word triggered is when someone’s mental illness is exacerbated. You don’t seem so triggered now, do you?

But that’s fine; you don’t need to have a mental illness to be triggered. There can be memories or traumas in your life that you would prefer not to be reminded of. For example, unseasonal weather triggers me. It reminds of me of this time last year when my uncle was slowly passing away and I was entering a depression. As a result, I wasn’t one to chill on the slope in February when it was a mild seventy degrees.

We all have our triggers and it’s important to know them. If I didn’t know I retreated into my room and isolated myself whenever the weather was nice, I’d be much more distressed trying to figure out why.

So claim to be shook. But don’t consider CTB running out of your favorite bagel to be one of your triggers. The garlic is so much better anyway.

via Daily Prompt: Panicked